Life is what you make it.

"Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams."



its been awhile..this quote completely symbolizes how im feeling today..i am happy. i went to a wedding last night with some fairly new friends and had a blast. ive come to realize that it doesnt matter how long youve known someone for the relationship to make a difference in your life. in high school it was a lot different than college and life in general because in high school you pretty much have gone to school with these people since like preschool so its not like youre meeting many new people. during the last year and a half in acting i have met some very influential people on my life. and even though we dont hang out all the time, or i have hung out with once and will never see again i still love every minute of it. those people i may not remember their name in 10 years but i will always remember how i felt knowing them and what they have done for my outlook on life. i never thought that i would make new life friends at this age but i believe i have found some. its one of those moments that you have no idea where they have been but you just love the person for who they are. i have never in my life felt like people completely understood me but i have realized that it just takes people who dont know anything about your past and have the same interests as you to understand. or maybe its just a theater thing..who knows...all i know is that the friends i have made within the past year and a half i absolutely adore and thank you guys for making that difference in my life.

needless to say i have come to the conclusion that life is really what you make it and that it doesnt really matter where your going in life its the journey, the people you meet and the things you do. life really isnt that hard to deal with, and what doesnt kill you will only make you stronger. life is good.:]

take chances

-krissy

people die so love them everyday

"People die so love them everyday.
Beauty fades so look before its gone.
Love changes but not the love you give.
And if you love, you'll never be alone."

I grew up in a household with mental and physical illnesses. I grew up with an alcoholic father and grandparents, and a quadriplegic aunt whom was on a ventilator for most of the time. My parents decided to move in with my grandparents and aunt when I was two so I was around it all since i can remember. living with my grandparents and aunt i had a advantage to the many disadvantages..i had people to learn from. most children do not have the luxury of living with their grandparents, some dont even get to know theirs..i am incredibly thankful to have had that. Growing up we always had anything material that we needed...and now that i look back i think it was a way to make up for the emotional baggage i carry around now.  I have to say that my family was incredibly good at taking care of my aunt. as a child i always thought that everyones family was like mine. its funny now because there are certain people who thought that living in that house was all fabulous and we just had the perfect life..well let me tell you people now...it wasnt all rainbows and butterflies..there was a lot of struggle and hardships that no child nor person should have to go through. so you "people" can kiss it because until you walked in our shoes you cant say anything. i dont care what you were told. MOVING ON....

My aunt was such a beautiful woman. As a little girl I almost saw her as a mother figure..we had so much fun..watching tv in her bed, or playing cards. When ever anything important would happen in my life I would run down to her room and be so eager to tell her because she was always ready to listen. she truly was the best listener. since she couldnt live her life walking around and such i truly believe she lived it through us. I have a lot of regrets when it comes to her because as a little girl I was always around her, and always wanted to be around her...but as i got older it got a lot harder to be around her. the reality of her situation set in. she would never walk, she would never have her own children, she would never do the things we all take for granted everyday. and yet she was one of the HAPPIEST people i will ever know. i truly think she was an angel and i took that for granted.  when she passed away i blamed myself a lot for not keeping the closeness i had with her since i was a girl. i remember i was so mad because here i was 15 years old and had lived with this woman pretty much my entire life..and i didnt know her favorite color...(which i now know was peach) it sickens me how i push people away...but i truly think it has to do with my childhood...with all the sickness i lost a lot of people who i was extremely close with. yes, thats life..people die...but it always seems to be the best people. the ones that mean the most. one being an extremely influential person in my life who is a part of me and molded me into the woman i am...my grandmother.  the more and more i think about her the more and more i realize how much i am like her. she was the most STUBBORN person ever.  she had this way about her that would light up any room. her personality was like the sun on a rainy day..you couldnt help but love her. she was loud and obnoxious and truthfully it was great. i always had a very good connection with her. anything i did i could never disapoint her. i could literally tell her ANYTHING and if it was bad she be like "oh kristina" and roll her eyes and then change the subject to "hows your love life?" she always wanted me to be in love and truthfully i think that was just because she wanted me to be happy..and being in love meant happiness. she also knew what my life should be before i ever did...i was always her little sarah bernhardt. her little actress..she would have friends over and would have me sing for them or dance or tell jokes...(not like i minded) she always told me someday id be on a stage..unfortunately she never got to see it. but i know that shed be proud. 

with good comes the bad..i earlier stated that i grew up with alcoholics..now honestly growing up alcohol was always just normal..grandma and grandpa had cocktail hour..i would get my kiddie cocktail and theyd have their shot and a beer and we'd watch the news. my father would usually have drinks after work..hed go to the bar or hed have it at home...that was the norm. i didnt really think it was an issue until i was old enough to understand. my early teenage years i figured out quickly that drinking all the time is not normal...but me being me just ignored it...pushed it out...to this day, i still dont think that it was as bad as it was...but the effect it has on me mentally is a total different story.  i can honestly say that my childhood is a huge factor in who i am today..no doubts..i like to push people away as quickly as possible so they cant hurt me, i think of myself before others WAY to much because i believe they can take care of themselves emotionally, the way i do. i push people away before they can die on me..people die and that scares the hell out of me..thats the worst pain..you cant touch them, you cant talk to them, you cant see them, you cant hear them, its like they were never there. 

all of this is the reason why i want to be famous...i need to be influential and to make my mark in life...because i am NOT OKAY with someone else feeling like i was never there. i want my life to be something people can learn from...MANY PEOPLE. 

there is not a day that goes by that i dont think about my family ...the ones who are gone.. i miss them like crazy and i regret not keeping close relationships with them when life got hard for them. i know that i am selfish and i truly hope they know that i am sorry. you dont realize what you have until its gone...and thats said for people...who gives a shit about materialistic things..its about the people in life that is what matters. it will always be the people.

RIP

 

take chances

-krissy

the past that keeps coming back..

"Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.”

forgiveness is something i need to do...i need to forgive everything bad from my past  and accept it and move on....easier said then done...

 when i was little there was no pushing me to do ANYTHING, because if i didnt wanna do it..i simply didnt do it.ive always been my own person through and through and have looked out for myself. ive been the kind of person that has always loved others unconditionally but thought that my life is all about me. i guess that would mean im selfish, but is not a characteristic i choose to be ...it just kind of happens that way..for awhile now ive realized that relationships with others are hard to keep, i mean maybe its because im so wrapped up in myself that i just have sort of forgot what its like to put myself out there for others..maybe i feel that others will look out for themselves..like i do. or maybe ive been let down by people who i thought would be there and they werent because they were too busy caring for themselves...its such a double standard...we are suppose to be these such humble human beings and being there for others and doing things for others, but we shouldnt expect it in return right? i think its bullshit. in my life i have put myself out there for others who i care/cared about and was let down..i mean maybe thats my fault for holding such "high" standards but if you truly care for another thats what you do...youre there for them.

there is a lot of things that have happened in my life that explain who i am today. i grew up in a household that was filled with sickness, ranging from mental illness to physical...sickness and death were always something that was just the norm in my house. people got sick and then they died..simple and to the point..growing up, i wouldnt let myself get attached when i realized that people leave. that is something of my past that haunts me today. its hard to change who you are when its been the same since you were little..there is a lot of things i wish and should change but its so much easier to just stay the same..but its all seeming to hold me back from achieving greatness. the older i get the more and more i keep to myself...thats not me.but this probably results from me protecting myself from others..if you know me personally you know that i am confident in who i am..and am dramatic and a mess but im also smart and have high potential if i stop being my own enemy. my emotions keep me from doing things i know i should be doing.  i have no idea what i need but i need something to push me...coming from a girl that can not be pushed to do anything..hah. stubborness does not get you very far let me be the shining example...


totally changing the subject...(not that i stay on one topic.....) but all this thinking about my past has brought up somethings that i have forgotten about..how cruel kids are..now ive never been skinny in my life..so with that said ive always been called fat,chunky, whatever....now i can remember everything that has ever been said to me negatively..i mean good thing people for the most part liked me or were scared of me..whichever there arent a lot of times but i still recall them...and i remember feeling so shocked that someone would say those things and what not but i would never say anything hurtful back, i would laugh it off and go on my way..with all this said i now know where my dislike for confrontation comes from...i have truly never been confrontational when it comes to defending myself...defending another is a total different story..but myself..never. its crazy to see how much your past really molds who you are in the present and future. like right now..this ranting...i will look back at and have a reaction to...and these words will mold a part of me for my future...


life...there are literally no words to explain it.

this post wasnt to just bash on myself and say all of the things that i dont understand or dislike about myself..because i do love myself...i tend to feel i love myself more than anyone else could..and im absolutely positively right. and if you look hard enough youll admit that its the same for you. 

i just hope that i never turn out to be anywhere close to understanding this guy....

take chances

 -krissy

my unbiological family

“Even though we've changed and we're all finding our own place in the world, we all know that when the tears fall or the smile spreads across our face, we'll come to each other because no matter where this crazy world takes us, nothing will ever change so much to the point where we're not all still friends.”

i tend to feel bad for those who don't understand this quote. i have grown up with the same group of girls, it seems like for forever. we've all been through hell and back together and there has been others that have come into the group and have gone but the ones who have stuck it through will probably be the ones that will forever. as i grow up i have learned that people come and go but only a select few will be there for you. ive also been coming to the realization that you cant make decisions for these people..even when what they are doing is not the best.

my whole entire life friends have been my number 1. i live for them because when i felt i couldnt count on my biological family, i had my "UNBIOLOGICAL" family to lean on. so with that said, ive always wanted the very BEST for my friends. and when youve grown up with the same people your whole entire life you tend to feel that you know them inside and out..you feel that you know whats best for them.but its so easy to judge when your on the outside looking in.its just so hard when you have the friend that used to be so full of life and is now so dull. or the friend who has a troubling past and has done so well to move forward and just keeps stumbling along the way. or the friend who is always undecided and can never make a decision by themselves. or the friend that leads everyone to believe that they have the perfect life but really it is a wreck, or the friend that has such a good future ahead of them but doesn't see it for themselves.i wish that i could be the savior but you can only lead the horse to the water, you cant make it drink too.


i have had the best times in my life with these friends...and i feel so blessed to have them. no matter where our journeys take us, i know that if theres a problem we will all be there to fix it because we all hold special places in each others hearts forever and always. i may have came into this world with one sister but i know ill leave it with many.


yes, im so blessed to have friendships like i do..but what about the people who dont. who dont know how to keep a relationship with others..these are the people i feel bad for..because these are the people who are the most troubled. it amazes me how some people can be just so cruel to others.now im not perfect but the things some people say or do just kills me. there is no legitimate reason why someone needs to be so hurtful to others. to make people feel powerless and so unsure. and these "cruel people" obviously have a lot of problems with themselves but no one else needs to be on their level...if everyone in this world would make a conscious effort to be nice to each other who knows what our lives would be like...if everyone would learn to mind their own businesses we would live in a perfect world...yes i know im dreaming hah..idk im 20 yrs old and the drama and cruelty i have seen is exhausting..idk how others do it their whole lives.


i have a mantra i like to say to myself everyday.."im alive" yes its extremely simple and nothing really to it when you are just reading it..but if you look deeper it has a lifetime of meaning. obviously no one lives forever. as drake would say "everyone dies but not everyone lives", its true..we are all not invisible..we will all die at some point but while we are alive are we really living? in the past year i have grown as a person a lot..i have been through some dark moments especially mentally and its a struggle everyday to find something to live for..my mantra "im alive" helps because its a reminder that i only have one life to live so i have to do all i can to make myself happy and to live a life that i am happy about...it helps me to remember that everyday that i live could be my last..i need to make sure that the people i love know i love them, that i love myself and what im doing with my life, and that i leave this world happy and content and leave nothing broken behind.

 -take chances

-krissy

hope

John F. Kennedy once said "We should not let our fears hold us back from pursuing our hopes."

I sit here staring at this quote thinking hes ABSOLUTELY right. I mean the only person that is holding me back is myself, but I also sit here realizing my reality. Justin Bieber's movie "Never Say Never" has just been released to theaters, and it has been making me think a lot. This kid comes from a normal family just like mine, and hes got this career already at 16? It has really been putting my life into perspective..and questions keep popping in my head like little silent bombs..."am I too old?, do i even have a chance of making it big?, what do i have to do?" All of these questions I have I dont have the answers to which scares me. aka my fears are holding me back. and i just cant help it. I was watching Biebers music video for "never say never", and i was in tears, because that is my dream. To be so influential to other people, to make TRUE differences in peoples lives, to be ACCEPTED. I love acting, its the best feeling i have ever felt in my whole entire life, and somehow right now, it doesnt seem enough...I mean i can only hope that one day i can look back at this blog and be like "what were you so damn worried about?" but the truth is what if i dont? what if none of that is in the cards for me? that what if cant be because if im not acting for the rest of my life, and im not the least bit influential, then i truly think i dont have any other purpose. all of this is what i was BORN TO DO...and now that i found my nitch, my soul's purpose , why I, KRISTINA MARIE-BRIDGET, is on this earth, i find myself questioning it...its almost amusing how crazy i make myself. i just need to stop letting my fears be my guide...i am a dreamer, and now i just have to make my dreams a reality.

this kid is one talented person...we will be seeing him for years and years to come....

 

take chances.

-krissy

 

achieving greatness

"Great changes may not happen right away, but with effort even the difficult may become easy."

nothing in life is easy, in fact if it is easy..you should be cautious. ive realized in life that the only person that is holding you back from achieving your dreams and aspirations , is yourself.

i know i tend to talk myself out of a lot..like acting for example, i tend to dream BIG and then i tell myself that it wont happen...but why cant it? if i would just stop sabotaging my own happiness and go for it...who knows what i could do.

i had a conversation today with someone who is very successful in acting, in that conversation i realized how down to earth they really were and how successful actors and celebrities are still people and there are ones that stay grounded, and feel blessed for what they have...its nice to know that i can have that and not have to worry about sacrificing who i am.

its time for some change...i know it wont be easy and it will be extremely hard...but rome wasnt built in a day and neither will my career. i need to stop moping around, feeling defeated when the fight hasn't even begun. for all of you who don't believe i can do it, all i have to say is good thing im not doing it for you. i will do this for me and when i have fans, i hope to only influence them as much as i feel influenced today. thank you (you know who you are).

now for some inspirational music from my FAVORITE ...jessie j

take chances.

-krissy

life is not easy for those who dream.

"life is not easy for those who dream"- robert james waller.

this quote was intriguing to me because i tend to think of myself as a dreamer. i dream of someday being in love, and raising a family of my own...i also dream, and this one is the big one, of being famous one day. i want to have that influence on peoples lives. but the reality of it all is that it really isnt easy..because you tend to be a lot more disappointed. the unexpected is easier...thats the art of surprise i guess.


lately i have been really looking inside myself and trying to figure out who i am and what my purposes are...ive realized that ive been living in what i like to call my own little bubble...i have all these dreams and aspirations but my bubble is so nice and cozy i dont want to put in the hard work and dedication and not get what i want or be disappointed. but thats life isnt it...sometimes if you work hard you get to where you want to be, and other times, well you get nowhere. i just wish i knew why i was here..and if where i want to be and who i want to be is reachable. but you cant fast forward, rewind, pause, or stop life..all you can do is play.

its funny because someday when ive lived a bit and am quite older i will look back at this and be like "what were you thinking kris...you are only 20..live a little" ...but thats the thing...living can be scary and its hard and sometimes i just want to stay in my cozy little bubble...but future me is right...its time for me to start living.

oh and just a little ranting....so the other day i was watching maury..and it was about these men who beat there girlfriends and treat them like the women are their slaves and what not...and everytime these men would come on stage they were "boo"ed..okay i get that..but at the same time..shouldnt these DUMBASS women get "boo"ed or not get COMPLETE SYMPATHY? i mean they are the ones that stay with these men and do whatever they say...idk my father always taught me to stand on my own and dont take anyone treating you disrespectfully, so i guess im just at a loss for words on how any person can stay with someone who treats them like garbage.

well thats all for now...GO BEARS!

take chances.

-krissy